The Princess and The What?
by Bite The Dust
Summary: "My dear, if you wanted a new fur carpet you could have asked me to track one down for you... And I assure you it wouldn't be near as filthy as this poor creature." AU


**Oh no I've written something weird again**

**Sorry**

* * *

_There once was a small, land-locked kingdom surrounded on all sides by a barrier of mountains and dense forests.  
_

_None of it's peoples were poor and they never went hungry, but neither were there many exceedingly rich. They were mostly subsistent and didn't rely on trade for many things, but were allies with all the surrounding countries nonetheless.  
_

_A recent war between two of it's neighbors displaced many of their citizens. The small kingdom remained neutral throughout the ordeal, but took in anyone who could find their way through the mountain passes with open arms. There was always work to be done, so even the refugees were happy, unspeakably glad to get a fresh start._

_The royal family of the kingdom was known far and wide for being a long line of strong, proud, and intelligent leaders; benevolent and loved dearly by their citizens. The current queen and king were no exception._

_Their beautiful princess had gone through a... A rebellious streak, of sorts, but she, too, was kind and strong and would do anything for her people._

_Except for one thing, that is..._

* * *

"Okay Monica what the hell?"

"What? What'd I do?"

The two young women were sitting in the simple wooden horse-drawn carriage belonging to the princess. The royal family did own a much more gilded one, but it was mostly for show, a gift from a diplomat from another country. The king didn't like it because it was too gaudy and the queen thought it was impractical. The princess agreed.

"_Another_ failed prospective marriage meeting. And this one was so cute! He seemed really nice, too."

"Mizu, he was a scumbag. He was touching my knee under the table while we were eating."

"... Seriously?"

"Yes! I tried to clue you in while it was happening but you didn't pick up on any of my signals."

"... Turn the coach around, we're going back!"

A couple years before, a small boy with bright red hair had shown up on the porch of the royal family's home asking for work. He claimed he had been a child soldier in the currently ongoing war and had escaped through many trials to the neutral country, and proved he was a skilled and nimble combatant. They quickly took him in and gave him the position of the princess' personal guard. They became fast friends and he refused to ever leave her side. It didn't take very long to find out the little boy was actually a little girl, however, and they changed her official position to the princess' lady in waiting. She was still very much her bodyguard in actuality, and followed her wherever she went- This included to her meetings for prospective husbands, which had been increasing in frequency lately.

"I am not turning the coach around so you can murder someone, miss Mizuno." Called the driver from the front.

"Don't call me 'miss'! And he _molested_ princess Monica! Of course I have every right to murder him."

"He didn't molest me. He was just gross." The princess rested her chin on her hand and leaned her elbow on the coach's window.

Her companion sighed. "Yeah, this guy was gross, the last one before that was wimpy, the one before that was stupid, another one smelled like he hadn't bathed in, like, forever..."

"Oh my God, I had almost forgotten about that guy! He left that weird ring on the upholstery in the restaurant!"

"And he got so offended when the staff mentioned it that he stormed out and made us pay to get it replaced! He was the worst so far."

The carrot-topped princess let out a short, hearty laugh. "I think so, too. Why aren't there any normal men in this whole country?"

"There are!" The smaller girl exclaimed. "You had meetings with all of them _first_! And you didn't like any of them either! That's why adviser Sylvan is digging at the bottom of the barrel and coming up with all these weirdos!"

"O-Oh yeah... That's right."

For almost a year now, the favorite adviser of the royal family had been sending the pair of women far and wide, meeting, they were sure, every man of acceptable stature and marrying age in the entire country. As the princess was the only heir to the throne, it wasn't like she couldn't be married off to a prince of another country and sent away or anything, and she thanked her lucky stars for that.

It was almost a tradition that only one child was ever born to the king and queen, as that had been the case for as long as anyone had bothered to start writing the lineage down- not for anyone's lack of trying, it was just something that consistently happened. That meant no weird cousins ever coming out of the woodwork claiming a right to rule the country, but it also meant as soon as the heir became close to marrying age they had to find a spouse from among the citizens almost right away.

"What was the matter with all of those guys, by the way? All of them were cute and nice and not scummy at all, smart too. And hygienic."

The princess folded her hands in her lap and sighed. "They were all of those things, yes, but they were also all completely stagnant. Living with any one of those men would have bored me to tears in less than a year! I would be driven crazy talking about what doilies went best with the furniture in the hallways or whatever and strangled him with his own cravat, and then I would be executed and my family's line would end."

The lady-in-waiting barked out a surprised laugh. "I guess all that's true, but..."

"But what?"

"But I've been thinkin' lately... Do you even want to get married at all?"

Monica became thoughtful. "Well... I really don't know. I've been thinking about it a lot, too. I like the concept of having somebody to love forever and rule by my side, but that might just not be something that I was meant to have. But I've got plenty of friends in my staff, I'll never be lonely. And when I need an heir I'll just adopt an orphan, or something." She smiled, but her bodyguard caught the sad expression that crossed her features for half a second, betraying her true thoughts on the matter to her closest friend.

Mizuno gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, pal! I'm sure you'll find somebody soo-"

The tomboy was interrupted by the driver screaming at the horses and them whinnying in complaint, the coach suddenly stopping. Both girls surged forward hard, the princess knocking the back of her head on the wall and the girl across from her falling into her lap.

"Owwww..." The two girls moaned.

"P-Princess? We... We have a problem..." Called the driver.

"What is it!?" The two girls called back.

"There's a... Something in the middle of the road."

"A _what_!?" They returned.

"I don't know what it is! It's some kind of animal. It looks almost dead."

"Oh, no." The kind-hearted princess gasped.

"Princess..." Her lady in waiting pleaded, still in her lap. "Don't you dare..."

"Too late!" She tossed the smaller girl aside and leaped out of the coach.

She quickly ran to the front of the coach, further spooking the horses. She stopped just as quickly when she saw what was impeding their journey home.

"Oh my God..." She cupped her hands over her mouth at the sight, the big, furry cat-like creature covered in blood and wounds, and quite apparently suffering in the middle of the road.

Her companion rushed to her side and mimicked her shock. "What on earth is that!"

"It's... I think it's a tiger."

"A what?"

"I saw one in a storybook once. It's like a big, carnivorous cat." The princess began walking toward the poor animal, when her bodyguard grabbed her wrist.

"What the hell are you doing!? Doesn't 'carnivorous' mean '_eats people_'!? Don't get any closer to it!"

She tried to shake the grip off, failed, and looked her in the eye instead. "It needs help." She said, as if that was all she needed to justify putting herself in danger. And in all probability, that was all she needed to justify it to herself.

The shorter girl kept their eyes locked for a moment before sighing and letting the princess' hand go. "Whatever. But if it tries to bite you, I'm killing it."

The princess smiled down at her and went on her merry way.

The driver walked up to the tomboy and asked, "Do you really think that's wise?"

"Absolutely not." She returned, shaking her head. The driver sighed and went back to calming the horses.

Monica knelt down beside the beast and pressed her hand to it's neck, feeling for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there. The huge animal was still breathing, as well. "Poor thing... What happened to you? What have you been through that ripped you up like this?" She stroked it's big furry head and scratched it's ears. They twitched against her hand, and her heart gave a painful squeeze.

She stood.

"Mizu!" She called.

"Yes ma'am!?"

"Help me get it in the carriage."

"Yes ma'am." The small girl began walking over to her princess.

The driver gaped at them. "Are you insane!? You aren't putting that... That thing in my coach!"

"Oh shut up. The princess is in a slump, maybe a pet is exactly what she needs to lift her spirits." Mizuno easily lifted the tiger and began carrying it toward the coach. The driver just stood and sputtered.

"Wait, wait, let me get in first!" Monica called, before climbing into the carriage.

The driver growled. "Curse you and your superhuman strength."

"I already told you to shut up!" She called back at him, shutting the door to the coach.

The beast had been situated so that it was laying on the same seat as the princess with its head in her lap. She petted it, getting blood all over her hands in the process. Her companion sighed. "You've always had the strangest tastes, princess." And the coach began to move again.

"So are you going to give him a name?" She asked after a while.

"'Him'? How do you know it's a boy?"

"Princess, from my perspective it's kinda obvious."

"You're so gross, Mizu!"

They continued riding for another hour, with the big cat staying unconscious and quiet the whole time. As soon as they entered the hustle and bustle of the capital, however, he awoke and began sleepily snarling. The princess stroked his ears and cooed at him, "It's okay, sweetheart. We're going to get you some help, I promise. Just be quiet for a little while longer, okay?" Apparently this was enough for him, and he was indeed quiet for the remainder of the trip through the city.

The coach entered through the gates of the royal family's mansion- being a practical family, even way back when the country was formed, they thought a castle was too showy. "_And we'd never have enough family to fill all those rooms anyway. Let's just build a big house, instead!"_

As soon as the coach came to a complete stop, a veritable army of staff burst forth from the doors of the mansion, desperate to make the princess comfortable after her long journey. Handmaids and butlers and even advisers all formed a circle around the coach and began blasting the tired women with voices.

The tiger began to growl once more.

Monica petted his head again. "It's okay, sweet baby. I'll make it quieter for you." His ears twitched. "Mizu, if you please?"

"Will you all just _shut up_!" The lady in waiting screamed at the crowd. And they did.

A butler ran up to the coach and opened the door for the women, and the princess stepped down out of it first. "Someone hurry into town and get the veterinarian!" She commanded. "Tell him we'll pay him whatever he needs to make a house call."

"W-What for, princess? Did something happen to one of the horses?" Asked one of the maids.

"No." She returned, calmly, just as Mizuno hopped out of the carriage with the tiger securely in her arms, dripping blood on the driveway's stones.

A couple screams were heard from the crowd, and a large number of staff rushed out of the gates in the direction of the vet's office.

The adviser that had sent them on the trip- a tall man with bright blue eyes and long tied-back blond hair- stalked up to them. "I send you away expecting you to come back with a husband, and you bring me a wounded exotic animal. How like you." He looked down at the tiger, winced, and petted his head. "Poor beast. Well, you're in good hands now." He looked to the princess next, his eyes sparkling with mirth. "My dear, if you wanted a new fur carpet you could have asked me to track one down for you... And I assure you it wouldn't be near as filthy as this poor creature."

She smiled at him as her father left the building and came down the front steps. "_Please_ tell me all the excited yelling is because my daughter has returned with a husband?" The king called to the crowd.

"Uh... Kind of?" The princess returned.

"Not even kind of, your majesty. She's found a tiger, of all things." The adviser told the older man as he waded through the crowd toward them.

The king took one look at the big cat and his rough features melted into a smile. "Well I suppose that's close enough." He scratched at the cat's ears. "Mizuno, if he's getting too heavy you can take him in the house and put him in Monica's room."

The maids in the crowd groaned. "Your _majesty_... Are we going to have to clean blood off of the tile _again_?"

He laughed. "I suppose you are! I'll pad your checks a little this week, don't worry."

They continued to chatter as everyone entered the house.

* * *

It wasn't long after that before the group that had gone to fetch the veterinarian returned with him. He expressed anxiety about working with the big cat, but he was assured by the princess that it was friendly. The animal didn't have any internal injuries or broken bones, so all the vet had to do was stitch his wounds closed and bandage him up. He did so, collected his payment, and left.

The princess had left a couple of her most trusted staff to watch over the beast while it continued to sleep as she and her bodyguard wound down after their long trip. She took a nice long bath, and was just finishing up her dinner when one of the maids she put in charge of guarding her new pet stumbled, looking pale, into the dining room.

"P-Princess, um... You need to... The, the cat... He..."

Monica, worried the beast she wanted so much to save was in some kind of medical distress, sped out of the room and down the hall to her bedchamber.

The tiger was laying on her bed, bandaged up still but otherwise fine. All her staff had apparently left. She started to exit the room once more to go find them when an unfamiliar voice called out to her.

"Ah. There you are." It said in a masculine baritone.

She stopped in her tracks, looked around outside her room, and found no one except the cowering maid from before.

"Over here, woman!" It called.

She spun back around to peer into her room. "Don't call me 'woman'! And where are you?"

"My apologies... I was only attempting to get your attention. And I am right here."

"Right _where_!?"

The big cat slunk off of her bed and stalked over to her with a limp.

"Here." It said to her.

"Oh."

The maid stuttered at her from outside the door, "P-Princess! G-Get away from it! It's p-probably like a d-d-d-demon or something!"

The princess looked to the maid, then back to her beast. "Are you a demon?" She asked him.

"No." He replied.

She turned back to her maid. "He says he's not."

The maid scoffed at her and ran away, scared out of her mind.

"If you see Mizu, Sylvan, or my mom or dad, could you send them in here, please?" She called after her, then turned back to the tiger. "So, if you aren't a demon, what are you?"

It blinked at her. "Princess? You're a princess?"

"Uh, yeah. Duh. Could you answer my question, please?"

"I apologize. I am only curious as to why you aren't running away screaming like your maids did. And if you must know, I had a curse placed on me."

She sat down on her haunches next to him and began scratching his ears. "You poor thing."

Just then, her mother, the queen, entered the room. Apparently the flustered maid was still capable of relaying a simple message. "Ah, so this is the kitty I've been hearing so much about. Are you feeling any better, huh, sweetheart?" She, too, bent down and began stroking the beast's head.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you for asking. Would I be correct in assuming you are the queen of this kingdom?"

The older woman's hand stilled, and her eyes widened for only a second before she answered. "So you can talk, huh? And with such good manners, too!" She stood back up. "Well, I'm glad you feel better, and yes, I am the queen."

"So what kind of curse are we talking about here?" The princess asked him, continuing to pet his head. "Were you, like, a human before, or are you just like a super-intelligent tiger now?"

He made as depressed an expression as a tiger probably could, and leaned into her hand. "I was indeed a human once. Not too long ago, in fact. I only made it through the mountain pass and ran into the witch a few days ago, no more than a week, I'm sure."

"Oh, so you were a refugee?"

"Hmph! Of course not. I'm an ex-knight. I had planned to look for work in this country."

The queen couldn't help but laugh. "You probably wouldn't have any luck on that front even if you hadn't been cursed by the witch of the forest. We have no need for soldiers in this country." She ruffled her daughter's hair. "And if you'll excuse me, I left work to visit and need to get back to it soon. I'll see you later, darling."

"Good luck, mama."

"Thank you, ma'am."

She left the room, still laughing.

As soon as she was out of earshot, the princess spoke in hushed tones to her companion. "I'm going to help you reverse your curse, okay?"

The tiger folded his ears back, looking surprised. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

She pounded her fist into her other, opened hand, a wicked smile forming on her face. "Beat the information out of that witch, of course!"

"Ah, I'm afraid that's going to be a problem..."

"Huh? Why's that."

"I killed her."

"Oh." Her smile fell.

"Really, if she was going to curse me, she should have turned me into something small and weak, like a frog or a sparrow." The tiger laid down on the tile floor, crossing his paws and resting his head on them. "We fought, and although I suffered these wounds, I easily ripped out her jugular."

"Too much information there, cat!" She grimaced at him, but soon became thoughtful. "I'm going to try and break your curse anyway. I'm sure, with a little research, we'll be able to find a way."

The big cat looked shocked, almost embarrassed. "But... For what purpose? You don't even know me."

"So? You need help. I'm going to help you. Simple as that."

"... I see." He was no longer able to meet her eyes. "If you could possible reverse this curse for me, I would be forever in your debt."

"Cool." She smiled and scratched his ears again.

"C-Could you please stop that?"

"No." She smiled wider.

"Yes. Please stop molesting my ears. I don't even know your name, this weird groping is completely inappropriate."

"Oh yeah, we haven't been properly introduced, have we, mister soldier cat?"

He bristled. "For the love of God, please don't call me that."

"Then what should I call you, huh?" She smiled at him again.

For some reason, he was having further trouble looking at her face. "My name is Kai."

"I'm Monica! Nice to meet you!" She began scratching his ears again.

"P-Please stop..."

She giggled. "I'll stop if you purr for me."

"... You're a creepy sadist. And a pervert."

"Am not!" Her face reddened, and she scowled at him.

"You are. Could you please leave? I'm still recovering, and need my rest." He rested his head on his paws again and shut his eyes.

"Oh, fine! I was in the middle of eating anyway." She got up and stomped out of the room.

As soon as she was gone, he sighed heavily. "You owe her for getting your wounds dressed, at least, and she's a princess, let her have her delusions..."

_There's no way this curse can be broken, after all..._

* * *

**Well there's whatever this is. There will be a new chapter up soon, I guess?****  
**


End file.
